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It's kinda sad... but that's the truth of it.



If you were never in my life... I wouldn't hurt this much. I wouldn't be torn into so many tiny little pieces. I wouldn't be... this



Looking back, our bad times far outweigh our good. Even though the good were, well magical.



Now I can't even think about you without experiencing two things:



1.) Extreme RAGE!



What you did... was the last stick in a long line of constant stabbing. I can't do it... nay I WON'T do it anymore. You broke me.



2.) Extreme sadness :(



Your life has been hard, yes you have had more advantages than most, but you dealt with more issues than most as well. I pity you. All you are now is a stunted cuckoo bird in a beautiful bird cage.



We will NEVER be like we were. I refuse to let you in again. I just won't do it. I've suffered enough at your hands.



... All that being said...



I miss you. A LOT.



Some days I almost let you in. I almost pick up the phone and call. I almost answer your cries. I almost...



But as soon as I almost let you back in, I remember the cycle. Our pattern of existence and the collision course we always fall into. When that happens, it dawns on me (again). Things will never change.



You will always do something shitty. I'll end up hurt. You'll ignore me for weeks or months. I'll spend that time distraught until my friends (you know those people who actually CARE for you and treat you right?) pick me up and kiss my wounds until they heal. I learn to forget about you (again).



Then one day you'll call out of the blue and proclaim you're "Sooo sorry" and list a string of

self depricating insults. And to top that off, come up with a perfect excuse for your actions. As if that makes your behavior acceptable.



In the end I take you back. I figure, 'why not? Maybe she really has changed... this time will be different...'



We have a grace period of good "friendship" and then it all starts again...



I just don't have the energy anymore.. physically, emotionally, or mentally. So that leaves us here, and all I have to say is:



I love you, I miss you, but sometimes I wish I never met you...